I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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