i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
