I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
