just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Also, beer. Big fan.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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