Ambien. No doubt about it.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
