So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
