The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
