Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
