True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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