I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The air taste purple.
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