I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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