she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
