She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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