What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The air taste purple.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
