Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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