You can't motorboat a personality
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
