Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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