jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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