the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
