i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dick very happy bro
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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