My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
