Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
