so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
