she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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