I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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