The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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