Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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