toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Randomize
