Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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