and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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