I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
