Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
