Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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