did you get engaged???
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
