Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
