I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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