Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
