Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
