Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
