so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
