Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
