Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
