I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
