I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
