Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
