So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
