she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
