I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
