It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
