Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
