i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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