I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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